Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
