you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
