I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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