You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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