So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She bit a glass in half.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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