Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
