tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
