Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have demons in me.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
