If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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