I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
