You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
