sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
