If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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