two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
