I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
