Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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