I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
