so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
