I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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