I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
