Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
