Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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