Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
