So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Two words: blizzard sex
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
