So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
