I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
