Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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