mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
