you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
