just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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