K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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