My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
