And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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