I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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