The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
