Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
