You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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