Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
