Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
