hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
