He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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