You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
