I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
