I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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