I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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