you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
