You were right. It hurts to walk today.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need to align my fucking chakras
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
