If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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