Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
