Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
