Your face is a jimmy john
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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