it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
