worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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